Peter and Me.

Oh man, it's been a hot minute since I've been here. One of the hazards of writing books is that they can take all the writing out of you. But, I'm in between projects and glad to be back!

I've been thinking a lot about Peter this week. Like many of you, I LOVE the show THE CHOSEN. I adore how it portrays the humanity of Jesus, but also the messiness of His followers. Peter is one of my favorites. He's passionate and impulsive. I can relate. 

I found the relationship, albeit someone embellished on the show, between Mattew and Peter fascinating. So opposite, and yet, so alike. 

I studied a handful of chapters this week in the New Testament, specifically, Matthew 14-18, Mark 6-9, Luke 9, and John 6-10.

I love getting to know the apostles through what they saw and chose to share. It made me smile that Matthew talks specifically about Peter at least six times in his chapters. The others, collectively, only mention Peter a few times. It seems that there was, truly, something about Peter that Matthew took note of. Literally.

Perhaps it was Matthew's love of documenting the fruition of prophecies. Or maybe he just liked to point out how many mistakes Peter made. I mean, Peter doubted (14:28-31), he was reprimanded when he didn't understand a parable (15:20), and he rebuked Jesus and was rebuked in return (16:21-28).

Peter sure was a rough stone.

I love that about him. It wasn't the finished edges that impressed the Lord. In fact, perhaps Peter didn't impress Jesus at all. But, Jesus must have seen something in Peter beneath the jagged edges and cracks. It must have been that passion that caused him so much trouble.

It wasn't just Peter's potential that the Lord loved and saw. It was the fire that was already inside Peter. This is what I believe. 

Peter wanted so badly to do what's right. Tell me to walk on water. I'll go with you to the Garden. I'll never deny who I know you are.

And yet, Peter sank. Peter slept. And Peter denied.

Still, the Lord chose Peter to lead His Church after His ascension. To lead the people then and to lead us today.

For all of His faults and foibles, Peter's heart was open, his mind was willing, and his eyes were searching, always searching. Peter was all in. Perhaps too much in (thought the guard who momentarily ost an ear, perhaps).

Peter gave Jesus his heart. And Jesus took it, and everything else that came with it.

That's kind of the deal. I take all of Jesus, and He takes all of me.

I'm so grateful I believe this. Because I can be a lot. I am overzealous and people-pleasing. I struggle with so many things. But, I know I want to be with Jesus. Peter said, "Lord, it is good for [me] to be here" (17:9). 

I can't agree more.

Peter and Me. We have a lot in common. 

I'm so grateful for Peter. He has taught me so much. I love that Jesus is patient with us, that He teaches us. That He doesn't discard us when we are "all in."

I love that Jesus loves my effort, as overzealous and messy it is at times and can help me shape my enthusiasm into sometimes truly powerful for Him.

I love that He takes me, rough edges and all, and loves me enough to smooth them out.

And I love that I do not have a person watching the entire thing and recording it for millions to read. :)

Return to Me

Return to me is in my top ten favorite movies of all time.

It's sweet, it's tender, and it's so SO good.

The premise is simple: a man, Bob, who fiercely loves his wife loses her in a fatal car accident.

In the long wake of her death, he has no interest in finding love again, despite the enthusiastic efforts of his misguided friend.

That is, until one night, while on yet another date his friend had set up him with, Bob meets Grace, the sweet yet feisty waitress.

Immediately there's a connection there on both sides that seems unexplainable.

They begin to date and fall for each other in the most darling way possible. All is going well, so well. Until . . .

Grace finds a note in Bob's apartment, a letter he'd received from the anonymous woman who had been the recipient of Bob's deceased wife's heart. It was from Grace.

The two must come to terms with the heart that's in Grace and what it means to both of them, how it pulled them together.

As Bob tries to wrap his brain around the situation, Grace's grandpa (played brilliantly by Caroll O'Connor) says:

"I know that what's happened has been overwhelming. And I know it's going to take a while to sort it all out. But while you're sorting, I want you to remember that all the times I prayed that Gracie would have a second chance at life, I always knew that if God blessed us, the heart she got would have to be from a very special person, if it were going to be at home in Grace. When she met you, her heart beat truly for the first time. Perhaps it was meant to be with you always."

Grab. The. Kleenex.

I love the idea that one heart longs to be with another. 

That one heart calls to another.

That one heart truly beats when it's reunited with another.

In my scripture study this morning, I came across a plea from the Savior:

"Will ye not now return unto me. . . that I may heal you?" (3 Nephi 9:13)

Then, just a few moments later He tells us what He desires: our hearts.  (v 20)

I love the visual that formed in my mind as I read this, one of Jesus calling to me, wanting my heart to be with His.

When I have heed His call and returned to Him, I feel my heart beating harder, with more purpose, stronger, and more joyful.

The words of Grace's grandpa, with some minor adjustments, play in my mind:

"Michelle, I know that what's happened in your life has been overwhelming. And I know it's going to take a while to sort it all out. But, while you're sorting, I want you to remembet that all the times I prayed you'd have a second chance at life, I always know that if God blessed you, your peace would have to be from a very special person, if it were going to be at home in you. When you met the Savior, your heart beat truly for the first time. Perhaps it was meant to be with Him always."

Becasue of Jesus, we have a new chance at life. 

Our hearts truly beat when we allow Him love us, to teach us, to forgive us, to embrace us.

This is how I feel about my Savior.  That is continually beckoning me - us - to return to Him.

It is where our hearts can truly beat for the first time, again and again and again.

Getting "UNdiscouraged": 6 things you can do when discouragement hits

Check out my Hi Five Live video this was based on HERE!!

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Discouragement comes to all of us.

I know I've had my share over the past year. 

Most of the discouragement has come from not-so-good things. 

Like getting a cracked tooth pulled and having my face swell up.

And then a week later getting bitten by a cat I was trying to save, getting an infection, and spending a few days in the hospital fighting it.

Some discouragement comes from good things too. In December I was called as an early morning seminary teacher. It was wonderful but challenging.

Then my mom got sick this spring and passed away this summer.

Oh yes, and we can't forget the Covid-19 world-wide pandemic and riots and the election year.

It's safe to say this has been a trying 11 months for me.

Discouragement has become an unwanted friend of mine.

But, I've learned a few things that have helped me when it comes, a few things that I've learned that help me become "undiscouraged." And, assuming you're human and you experience discouragement too, I thought I'd share.

#1 Take care of yourself

Often times when I'm discouraged it's because my bucket is dry--I am totally worn out. Sometimes it's due to my choices. I often put the needs of others first and forget my own. I will also eat things that aren't the best, stay up too late, or waste time during the day then berate myself for it. 

Other times I don't have a choice because circumstances demand my attention, energy, and efforts at a pace I can't keep up with.

Regardless of the why, when I neglect myself, discouragement easily follows.

Yet, it's hard to stop and give myself what I need.

This is why I love the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19. It's where I get the "juniper" name in my blog from.

See, Elijah was a powerful prophet. He showed up on the scene, sealed the heavens, performed miracles, had the sealing power (the last one to hold the sealing keys before Jesus Christ came), and made royalty really mad. In fact, they wanted to kill him.

So he ran an entire day for his life. He wore himself out. That night he laid under a juniper tree and "requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life.

That's some deep, deep discouragement.

He falls asleep, presumably hoping to not wake up. An angel woke him up. He didn't lecture him, give him advice, power, or even a pep talk. He simply said, "Arise and eat."  Then he showed Elijah a cake that was baking on the fire. Read that again: THE ANGEL MADE ELIJAH A CAKE!!!  Cake is LITERALLY Heaven's answer to feeling bad.

Elijah ate the cake (like a good man) and drank some water, then went back to sleep. The angel came to him a second time and said, "Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee." 

Elijah had a long way to go and the angel knew (which means God knew) that what he needed to feel better and accomplish his tasks was to take care of himself. 

This is not a singular event. When Alma met Amulek, he tarried at his house and rested before going back out to preach. The Lord let Lehi and his family rest in Bountiful for years before they continued their journey. 

Taking care of ourselves is not only important and even necessary, but it is divinely suggested and condoned.

I find that when I'm feeling discouraged, I can often become undiscouraged by doing something that fills my bucket. It's usually something like taking a nap, resting better at night, eating healthier, getting outside, reading my scriptures, serving someone else, writing for fun, and yes, totally eating cake. Especially free cake. And especially angel cake. (Come on, I couldn't pass that up.)

#2  Release emotions

My mom had a few strokes and heart "episodes" in May, so when things took a turn for the worse in July, we knew we weren't going to have her much longer.

I flew down to California to be with her. She passed away five days later. Those five days were hard. Covid restrictions kept us from her until she moved into the ICU. Then, after an initial wave of small groups saying goodbye, we weren't allowed to be with her until they moved her downstairs to comfort/hospice care. And even then it was only one visitor at a time.

Mom rallied those first few days. I said a final heartwrenching goodbye, then she'd improve. Then she'd decline and I'd go and say goodbye again. After the third "final goodbye" the disappointment and grief had nearly consumed me.

I had kept everything in as I was one of the supports for my dad and my brothers. I wanted to be strong. So, I pushed it all down. Until my discouragement grew too large.

In this instant, cake wouldn't help. Heaven knew I'd been eating a steady diet of cookies for days.

What I needed was to release the emotions.

After a family meeting where my dad discussed the next steps, I ducked out of the house, got in my rental car, and drove to an empty parking lot. And I cried. I screamed. I hit the steering wheel. I let it all out for over an hour.

Then the tears dried up and I felt a sense of strength and peace return.

I went home to my dad. Not more than five minutes later we got the call that it was time again to say goodbye. I was able to be there in the background as my nieces and nephews said goodbye to their grandma. And because I'd released that emotion--not the sorrow or grief, but the weight and force of the emotion I'd kept inside--I was able to lovingly smile and support them in those very tender and hard moments.

Then, the next night, I said my final final goodbye. And she was gone, off to a family reunion of epic proportion.

Sometimes our emotions can build up and we become human pressure cookers and we need to release the pressure before we explode.

That might come in tears and screams, hitting inanimate objects, running hard, writing it out, or spilling your guts to a friend. Whatever works, do it. Because it does work, and you'll feel better.

 

#3 Remind yourself what you know

Discouragement is a suffocater. It takes hold of what we know, squeezes it, and pushes it aside to make room for all the things that make us sad, tired, and afraid.

It also loves to feed lies. Maybe we aren't worthy of happiness or love. Things will never work out. I won't ever get head. If God loved me, He wouldn't let me hurt this way or allow this to happen to me. Life is fair for everyone else, but mt.

When discouragement comes, it will do us good to remind us what we know.

I love the example of this in the Book of Mormon. The prophet Nephi had seen and done amazing things, and yet, he experienced discouragement too. In fact, he recorded on such time in 2 Nephi chapter 4.

He laments: "Why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken because of my afflictions? And why should I yield to sin because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations?  Why am I angry because of my enemy?"

That is some major discouragement there.

But I love what he does next. He doesn't allow himself to stay there. He doesn't feed those thoughts.  "Awake my soul!" he says. Basically, snap out of it!

Then he reminds himself of what he knows is true: Lord, I have trusted you, and I will forever. I know that you give to your children, and you will give good things to me.

When discouragement starts discoloring the good things in your life or feeding you lies, stop and remind yourself what you know. 

God is real. 

He loves you. 

He is with you. 

This will pass, and if it doesn't He will help you. 

The Atonement is real and can work in your life. 

Things WILL get better.

You will smile again.

#4 Keep discouragement with its owner

I have a friend with a bunch of kids. They throw the clean laundry in a pile and the kids pull out their own clothes. Often they will grab a brother's pair of pants or a sister's shorts because it either looks like theirs or happens to be next to what they are grabbing. What ends up happening then is clothes belonging to one person living in the dresser of another--where it doesn't belong.

Discouragement loves to spread its wings. When one thing discourages you, it's easy for it to spill into other areas--to go where it doesn't belong.

You get a demotion at work and come home to a house that's messy. The disappointment from your work now widens and you're disappointed in your home. Next it might be your family, your appearance, God, or yourself.

When you feel discouraged and you see it spreading across your life, take some time to pinpoint where the discouragement started. Then try to compartmentalize it there. Remind yourself that it's okay to be disappointed in one are and happy in others at the same time. :)

#5 Give it to the Lord so He can give you what you need

Sometimes feelings of disappointment can drive us away from God. That is the worst thing we can allow it to do.

The Lord loves. He wants to help us, and if we let Him, He will give us the individual care and assistance we need to deal with our disappointment.

When Jesus received the news of the death of His dear friend Lazarus, He traveled to his home and was met with one of Lazarus' sisters, Martha. (as found in John 11)

She ran to meet Him saying, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died."

Jesus responded with the assurance that her brother will rise again. Then He spent a few moments teaching Martha of eternal things.

Then the other sister, Mary, came to Jesus and greeted Him the same way: "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died."

Except, the Savior didn't respond to Mary the same way. As Mary wept, Jesus wept with her.

To one sister He gave hope and learning, to other He gave love and empathy.

Both sisters were experiencing the same thing--the death of their brother. And yet, both had different needs. And the Savior gave each one what they needed. 

This is what God and Jesus do--they give us what They know we need. They know us intimately and want to give us hope and learning and love and empathy and companionship and strength and ALLLLL the things we need to deal with or overcome our discouragement. 

But, as the sister did, we need to bring our sorrow, worry, fears, and frustrations to Them.

So, when you're feeling discouragement in all its forms, give it to the Lord, and let Him give you what you need.

#6 Wait it out in faith

Sometimes we can do all of the above things and the discouragement is still there. Sometimes immediate relief simply isn't possible. 

So, what do we do then??

We wait in faith.

I love the movie "Cast Away" with Tom Hanks. Hank's character is on a Fed X plan that crashes on a deserted island in the ocean. He's alone for four years, with only a small photo of his fiance and one still-unopened package to deliver to give him hope. Finally, the wind brings him something he can use as a sail, and he's able to get his man-made boat over the currents surrounding the island and floats out to sea where he's picked up and rescued.

He returns home to find his fiance married to another man because she thought he had died. The world is different. He is different. 

As he tries to grapple with the adjustment and diminishing hope, a friend asks Hanks what he will do now.

This is his response: 

(on the island) "I had power over nothing* And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?”

Sometimes, when we have to wait for things to get better, to feel better, all we can do is keep breathing. And hold onto the hope that the tide will bring something in.

This, to me, is what Sariah, Lehi's wife, did in the Book of Mormon.

She left her extended family, the home she'd created, her friends, and followed her husband, a prophet, into the wilderness. After three weeks of traveling, they stopped to camp, and the Lord sent her sons back to Jerusalem on a dangerous mission.

When they hadn't returned, Sariah began to feel very discouraged. She feared her sons were dead, and (because discouragement doesn't like to be alone) she began to doubt.

Lehi did his best to console her. Sariah chose to wait in hope. And her sons did return!

And when they did, her discouragement was replaced with stronger faith and gratitude.

Still, it must have been hard for her to wait.

I know waiting in hope is hard for me.

It might be for you.

We want to feel better now, for things to get better and. Sometimes they can and do, and sometimes, we simply have to be patient and wait in hope until they do. Keep breathing in and out. Because we never know what the tide will bring in tomorrow.

So, those are six of the things I do to get undiscouraged.

What do you do the help you fight discouragement when it comes knocking at your door?

Graven upon His hands

"The Invitation" by Jenedy Paige

Something struck me this morning as I read again one of my favorite verses:

"Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands."*

As part of the Savior's Atonement, He was nailed to a cross and crucified. They drove large nails into the tender palms of His hands, as well as His wrists and feet. The reality of that very real, excruciating, and terrible experience is too unbearable to let my thoughts linger there for very long.

I find hope in His resurrection. His pain is over. The Atonement is complete. This means my pain can be lessened and I can be saved. My heart and thoughts visit this often.

The resurrected Savior had a perfect, glorified body. But, He chose to keep the scars on His hands. Why: So people would have a tangible way of believing who He really was. **

But, as I read the above verse I am moved to a deeper personal meaning behind the immortal scars.

To me, they signify my connection with Him.

We often focus on how the Savior is a part of us, but, with these scars, we are, literally, a part of Him.

He carries us with Him every moment of every day.

These scars represent His love for me and my love for Him.

They represent a connection that He won't break. (We can choose to, but His commitment to us is solid and eternal.)

We are tethered to Him forever, through sacrifice on His part, obedience on our part and love shared between us.

The first part of the Atonement took place in the Garden of Gethsemane where He took upon Himself our pain and sorrow. Here is where, I believe, our union with Him began, where we became a literal part of Him. He felt all of our grief and pain and anguish for us.

Then He hung and gave up His life to pay the price for our sins. And when He rose again, He kept the scars.

 

He kept His scars so we don't have to keep ours.

He kept His scars so we don't have to doubt.

He kept His scars so we know we are remembered.

He kept His scars so we can see our place in His life.

We are connected to Him in a tender and eternal way-- us on His hands and Him in our hearts.

This makes Him feel all the more real to me. It awakens my sense of obligation in my part of the Atonement. He performed it, but I am the one now must use it. He cannot be a Savior without someone to save, so I willingly let Him save me.

We are a part of Him.

YOU are a part of Him.

He isn't just a part of your life, but you are a part of His, then and right now.

So what can we do?

He performed the Atonement and made us a part of Him. We can choose to let the Atonement perform in us and make Him a part of us. We can put our hand in His. We can let Him love us. We can let Him heal us. We can choose to let go of our pride and anger and let Him change us.

We are a part of Him, this is certain.

Now, we can choose to let Him be a part of us.

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* (1 Nephi 21:16, Nephi quoting Isaiah quoting the Lord).

**Jesus allowing others to touch His resurrected, scarred hands: John 20:20; John 20:27; Luke 24:39; Matthew 28:9; 3 Nephi 11:14-15)

Jesus not detected

A couple of weeks ago a friend and I visited my favorite statue- the Christus. I’ve spent many hours at the foot of this statue over the years. I’ve shed tears of pain and tears of joy. I’ve silently plead and silently thanked. And in all times, I’ve looked at this and seen my Savior.

I have a new phone which has the ability to detect faces before it enters “portrait mode”, a mode that focuses on the person, letting the background fade into a blur. If it doesn’t detect a face it won’t enter into portrait mode and it won’t focus on what’s most important in the frame.

As I pointed my phone at the face of Jesus, it gave me this message: “No person detected”.
I was immediately sad for two reasons. One- I wouldn’t be able to take the really cool picture of the Christus I’d had in mind. I was sad my phone didn’t see Him like I did, that it couldn’t recognize His face.

Then I thought of all the people that see Jesus but don’t recognize Him for who He really is. They give off the message “No Savior detected.” Then they can’t focus on what’s most important.
This saddens me because He isn’t just the reason for the season. He’s the reason for everything.
When don’t recognize Him for who He is- our Savior, our Redeemer, our friend-we miss out on so much.

But when we focus on Him, the things that don’t really matter blur into the background. Pain can be lessened. Grief can be softened. Joy can be magnified. And love can abound.

Now that the Christmas season is winding down, I hope people don’t lose their focus. I hope they’ll always be able to see Him, and in turn, see themselves.

For who He is defines who we are. He is our brother. We are children of God. He is our Savior. We are worthy to be saved. He’s our Redeemer. The entire purpose of this life is our redemption and exaltation. He is our examplar. We are His disciples. He is our friend. And we are His.

I hope we can keep our focus on Him as the days and months roll by, as the trials and afflictions test and strain, and the joy and peace breath life unto us again. I hope we can always see Him and detect Him- our Savior.

Yoda lied. But not really.

Yoda lied.

My father is going to disown me for saying that.

He loves Yoda and thinks he's brilliant. Probably because he is. He is a master of emotion and force, knowledge and will. Aside from the Clone Wars where he, uncharacteristically and in poor CGI form, fought from a place of rage, he was typically spot on with the nuggets of wisdom he handed out.

I've heard one of his most famous quotes tossed around for years:"Do or do not. There is no try."

It's usually accompanied by a motivational speech about never giving up, putting forth your full effort, or succeeding at all cost. Here's a hard thing. Now do it. Don't try. Don't fail. Just do it.

That's a lot of pressure.

I really don't like these interpretations of this quote. I get the whole, "do or do not". Indecisiveness is not a strength. Do it or don't. Hot or cold. Make up your mind. God doesn't like it either. "So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold or hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth" (Revelation 3:16)

So yeah, I get the "do or do not part."

The part that I cringe at is the "there is no try." What the wha?

Of course there is a try.

MY ENTIRE LIFE IS ONE BIG TRY.

Even when I do or do not, my TRY matters.

Don't believe me? Take Elder Holland's word for it:

"With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don't always succeed."

Oh, sweet relief. Because I don't always succeed or do. In fact, if I'm being honest, I unsucceed more than I succeed. (Failure is such a negative word. I've decided to nix it from my vocabulary. That and kale.)


I understand that Yoda most likely meant that you should go into a scenario with confidence, with the intent of succeeding. That it was probably more about the mindset rather than the outcome. I'm sure he was trying to teach whiny Luke that our attitude can determine our altitude (that sounds like an Elder Uchtdorf analogy...)


Still. I wish Yoda would have had said something different Why couldn't he have said,  "Try or try not. You, it's up to."

That's what it boils down to, for me. Am I willing to try? And try? And try?

Because IF I am, then it counts.

I want my tries to count.


Perhaps Yoda wasn't lying, but was simply misunderstood. I think a new meme should clear things up. Because if it's in a meme, then it's true.

I love that I get credit for trying.

Yoda and Elder Holland are on same page as the Amulek. (It's a good page to be on.) When teaching the Zoramites, a rebellious and prideful bunch, he said, "I would that ye would come forth and not harden your hearts any longer. . . therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts, immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you."

There are so many things I love about this verse. I love that Amulek let's them know that

1- It's their responsibility. It's up to them to come forth and harden their hearts.

2- Just by trying, IMMEDIATELY the Atonements begins to work in their lives.

He didn't say, "after three weeks of perfect performance, you'll be blessed." No, he said immediately.

The Zoramites got credit for simply trying to have a softer heart and repent allows the great plan of redemption to affect them.

And so do we.

The theory that we get credit for trying (and do I really need to specify that it is trying to do GOOD things with GOOD and HONEST intent?) is pleasing to me.

If perfections was achieved by perfect performance, I'd be in petrouble.

I'm the first to admit that I am faaaaaaaaaaar from perfect and never will be perfect, not in this life. I will never do that. If my only choice was to "do" perfect I would epically fail. But, I don't have to give up and "do not" perfect. I simply have to try.

And not even try to be perfect. According to Amulek, I simply have to try to have a soft heart and repent. That's what trying is.

Trying is the direction we face, a step we take, a choice of light over darkness, and the getting up after we fall down.

Trying is hope and kindness and love.

Trying is choosing to grow rather than wilt.

Trying is choosing is casting your eyes on Him.

Trying is our perfect desire in imperfect action.

Trying is the reflection of the contents of our hear.

Trying is the way we get to and become like God.

Trying is everything.

I love that we can try and try again. And then try and try again.

As long as I try to keep on trying, I'm going to make it, if we want to.

So, Yoda, I get what you're sayin. I'm gonna do. I won't do not. But, in the mean time, there have been and will be about a million tries to get me there.

And every single one of them counts.

Light makes all the difference

I shot this photo yesterday while I was walking my dogs. 

We’ve gotten a good amount of snow for the Northwest, but the sun came out today and melted much of it away. 

At least, it melted what it touched. 

The snow on other side of the street that had been in the shadows all day still remained.

Both sides experienced the same cold temperatures today, but only the side that was touched directly by light melted.

How can I see this and not go straight to analogy land?

I read once that the whole purpose of this life is to collect light. I believe that.

It starts with the light of Christ and builds up there, adding more light through covenants and obedience and faith.

His light can change us, free us from the things that make and maybe even keep our hearts cold.

It can warm us, direct us, change us, and give us exactly what we need if we allow it to.

I hope you let the Son shine on you today. 

To the friends of the offended and hurt in the church . . .

I am a lifelong member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—the Mormons. Though there are some differences between us and other Christian religions, there are some similarities. One of them being the imperfect state of our members. I have heard a rising number of cases where members of my church, and other churches, were hurt or offended by members of their own congregations. There is bullying, judging, back-biting, gossip, misuse of authority, and more. These are tragedies. 

Within the walls of a church building there should be healing, not wounding.

I have not only heard their stories, but I am seeing more and more on social media the anger expressed by their friends and loves ones towards this growing trend. Though my heart aches for those who have been hurt, it is to those loved ones who are angry whom I wish to address today. Specifically, those members of my own church.

As our church grows in numbers, statistically-speaking, this will probably happen more. It’s not the doctrine or the church, but the people. There are simply some people out there that are messed up, even in the church. And with 16 million and rising membership numbers, things like this will continue to happen sadly. Not even sadly—devastatingly.

But, rising membership numbers in no way excuses it. To become a member of the LDS church, you must be baptized. At baptism, you make covenants with the Lord to do certain things, among which are mourning with those who mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.   There are higher expectations when you’ve made covenants to bear one another’s burdens. To not do that is neglecting your covenants—the covenants you’ve made with God. To BE the cause of another’s burden in a purposeful way is to break those covenants. When a covenant is broken, people will surely have to reconcile their behavior with the Lord in His time, and most certainly will be required to make things right at some point (here or later). If an egregious offense has occurred, communication with the offender and with local church leaders should be pursued.

As far as the offended, it is nearly impossible to choose to not feel pain or be wounded by unkindness and cruelty. Some people say they simply shouldn’t be offended. It’s trite for those who have never been hurt by a church brother or sister to simply say, “Well, just choose not to be offended and keep coming.” We can't choose to not be hurt, but there is a choice in our response to pain. However, there are so many factors at play here: our emotional and spiritual strength, the size of the offense, and so on. To worship in front of the eyes of criticism and unkindness is not an easy thing. Some become bitter, and others leave the church altogether.

What can we do, as their friends, to help those that have been hurt or offended? Blame the church? Rant on social media? Talk to our own circles of friends about how awful members are? What can we do?

I think of the Lord when He came across the “worshippers” and church leaders judging and mocking and condemning an adulteress. Considering they are condemning her by the law of Moses by, we can assume she was a believer as well. We all know what the Lord told them—He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone. Basically He said judgment belongs to Him. He continues later on with some very harsh words about judgement and where they will end up if they don’t change their ways and hearts.

But I love what He tells her: Go and sin no more. He didn’t say go away. He said, go and sin no more. Then, immediately after this, He explains, “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness but shall have the light of life” (John 8:12). This poor woman was being judged and attacked by a group of church leaders. Jesus puts them in their place then tells her, you worry about you now—turn around and choose to be stronger, better, repent. Go—follow me, and I will light your path. Stay close to me (sin no more) and “go your way” (NAS version). If she is sinning no more, her ”way” is with Him, the light of the world. He wants the hurt and wounded to follow Him.

I’ve been mistreated by members in my life, even a leader or two. I love the advice the Savior gave to her, and have made great effort to go my way—which is with Him—and focus on the Atonement in my life. My offenders will receive their own in their own time. 

Friends, I love that you are protective of your friends that have been hurt. You are keeping your part of the covenants you have made, to mourn with those that mourn. I hope you are also helping them go “their” way with Jesus Christ in the face of mockers and abusers, even within the church.  Because that’s what matters—their relationship with Him and their access to His Atonement (how can we sin no more without His divine help and grace and mercy that can only be found therein?)

They that are being marginalized, judged, mocked, bullied need the gospel (think of Alma finding the poor people cast or do the church, and his beautiful words to them). We need to help them stay close to Jesus. That’s how they will heal. I hope even though we see mistreatment (and sometimes that word is too mild for what’s happening) between the members of the church, we can help the wounded find peace in Him and trust that the perpetrators will be dealt with by Him. But, there is a definite responsibility and right for us to speak out to them and report to the proper leadership, etc. To standby idly by is not humble or meek. Being like Jesus does not mean we let people abuse us as we strive to love them. Boundaries and self-protection are worthy things to fight for.

Just as protective as we are of those we love, we should also be protective of the Lord’s church. When people hear true and terrible stories of our members and feel our anger (even if it’s rightly caused) they can develop bad feelings towards the church itself. Our efforts to help, vent, or try to “teach” others how we should be acting, if done in the spirit of anger, can become a stumbling block for nonmembers. It has the potential to keep them from being open to the gospel and doctrine contained herein. In our efforts to protect our loved ones, we can unwittingly turn people away from the very One who can help them.

It can also change the focus of members from the covenants we’ve made with Him to the behaviors of others—which can never end well if all we see is what others do or do not. Every one of us has said something in our lives that has hurt someone. All of us have. Some more than others—as in these cases. Bullying, abuse, cruelty, abuse of perceived power—none of these have place in His Kingdom. But, sadly, in the last days, apostasy and abuse will increase as our numbers increase and as the adversary unleashes all he has on the world. Standing strong in the gospel will become more difficult, I’m afraid to say. And we need to do all we can stay strong and help strengthen those around us. 

As I’ve stated before, we shouldn’t turn our heads from the problem, but we should turn the other cheek. To me that means if we’ve been slapped so hard it make our faces turn, we turn the other cheek so we face the Lord. People are the best—and worst—part of this life. Luckily the Savior will never fail us, nor will He fail those who have been wounded.

Friends of those who have been hurt or offended, let’s help our friends continue to go their way with Him and heal. Let’s seek righteous and humble justice for the offenders, but pray that they will sin no more before the judgment of God falls on them (though, wouldn’t some of us like to be a fly in the wall even that happens?) And while we are protecting our friends, let us not rail against His church, but help it be a beacon of light for the world.